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Mike W. Bryant
Staff columnist
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Well, I was taking a haul off my nicotine inhaler smoking cessation product when I suddenly caught the distinct whiff of burning human flesh.
Then came the screaming and hollering and smoke rising over the hills. When I looked over, Corrie Mielko was kicking her fiance in the leg in a desperate attempt to extinguish the flames shooting up his leg.
As expected, "Danger" Dane Gibson was leading by reputation once again.
"Ouch, ouch," he screamed as Corey stomped his ankle.
There was a large black spot on his right pant leg, and his shoe was all crispy.
Let's re-cap. Over the years I've known Dane: He's burned a car; sunk a brand new Jeep Liberty through the ice; sunk his boat; swam after his boat after it went adrift down the Mackenzie River; forgot Corrie by the side of the road in a bat-infested jungle; dropped a snowmobile off his trailer and onto the Ingraham Trail; and now to top it all off, here he was standing on the river's shore smoldering away like a cheap stick of incense.
Apparently, a runner of denim had found its way into the fire pit as we stood around it and from there, the fire spread up Dane's leg as if it were a fuse to a cherry bomb.
Don't get me wrong, Dane is a fantastic fellow whom I hold in the greatest esteem. He's just a little accident-prone.
"I'm just here to entertain you guys," he said later as we laughed by the fire.
And entertain us he did, and I was glad. It takes a lot of guts for a man to be able to march back to camp after a day of fruitless fishin' with burnt pants and tattered pride.
Anyway, the 2007 grayling expedition to Sambaa Deh Falls Park has come and gone, and I'm still just clickity-clickin' my heels about it.
The sun was a shining, the woodpeckers were peckin', and the bears were poopin' in the woods. My crew was sitting on the sunny side of heaven during that last weekend of May. After a long winter of dirty snow pants and unreliable ice augers, all was well with the world again.
Last year, we made the mistake of going to Sambaa Deh on the Victoria Day weekend. Sure, the grayling were running strong but it was like Daytona Beach during spring break out there - all these squirrelly, cross-eyed high school kids and drunk freaks roaming around the park and barfing in our fire pit in the middle of the night.
So, the fishin' wasn't quite as spectacular this time around but at least we got some peace and quiet, other than when Dane set himself on fire of course.
Back to the self-immolation for a sec, I wonder how the wedding will turn out this summer? Dane and Corrie are getting married on a yacht in the Georgia Strait.
Corrie's mission, I'm sure, will be to ensure all flammables and motorized equipment are out of Dane's reach until their wedding guests have safely made it off the boat and onto shore.
"What can happen next?" Corrie wondered during a brief follow-up interview.
"Everything's happened now. Hopefully, he'll have learned and not catch his pants on fire again."
Which could be hard considering the man's addiction to bacon and anything else cooked in hot grease. Although Dane didn't bring any cooking utensils on this latest trip to Sambaa Deh, his cooler was well stocked with pork products.
I mean, I like bacon and back ribs too, but I just had to ask, and since Corrie is the better half of this guy, does it worry her that the man loves salted meats so much?
"Of the whole bacon addiction? I'm worried about his cholesterol but bacon is bacon," she said. "You can't change him of that."
Well, there you have it.
You can lead a man away from bacon, but you can't stop him from turning around and heading back for more, especially if he's driving past a Harvey's outlet or hasn't realized yet that he has left the love of his life stranded on the side of a jungle road while on vacation in Peru.
"I can take care of myself, and once he's had his bacon he'll notice I'm missing and come back and get me," said Corrie.
Cheers guys, and best of luck.
P.S. An extra cheers for Carol Mills. The past Fishin' Technician guest's house burned down on the weekend.
Keep your head up girl.
- Mike W. Bryant is an editor with Northern News Services