I have to say I’m glad the holiday season is over. To me, it’s lost its meaning almost entirely and it has become an excuse to overindulge. Christmas often leaves me with the feeling that I never do enough. Did I buy enough presents for my children? Did I accidentally give my neighbour the burnt batch of cookies?
My children were really hoping that this year I wouldn’t have another meltdown, they clearly remember the year that I failed at trying to make a fancy breakfast, let’s just say it was the straw that broke the mother’s back under all the pressure of having to be perfect for the holidays and I nearly went to my room for the rest of the day trying to forget all about Christmas.
This year I was so close to another meltdown when the Christmas tree fell on my daughter. I flew off the couch and managed to save it from landing directly on her head and we propped it up against the wall instead of throwing it outside on the curb and called it the leaning tower of trizza.
If it were up to me I would not celebrate Christmas but because I have children I play the game but I did tell them that I am Santa when they were old enough to know better, I was tired of Santa getting all the credit from my hard earned money going towards toys.
This year I was really hoping that my kids would be happy with what they got, and they were for the most part. Our family had a nice peaceful day, except at dinner when my son decided it would be funny to take my daughter’s precious earbuds and all hell broke loose.
And just when I think it’s over New Year’s Eve has to sneak up on me. I remember the days when I used to dress up and go out, but this year our family forgot to do the countdown and nearly missed it altogether until we heard fireworks outside.
Even though another decade has gone by, I’m looking forward to walking into the future with 20/20 vision. I have not made a resolution because I know I’m not going to start going to the gym, I’m probably still going to eat sweets every day and curse when I’m mad and I don’t want to let myself down when I break my resolution right out of the gates so instead I’ve taken a good hard look back at the last 10 years of my life and had to take a moment to take it all in because a lot can change in a decade. I’ve moved nearly a dozen times, I’ve lost loved ones, I’ve been married and divorced, I’ve earned a degree, I’ve written a book, I’ve taken control back of my life through sobriety. And it’s not only I who have changed. The people in my life have changed to, gosh darn it the whole world has changed.
Looking back on the last decade, I can’t believe how incredible moments become memories in our rear view mirror for us to look back on and realize how fast and how much things can change. But we can’t look back for too long because we need to keep our eyes on the road of life.
We can look ahead towards the future with excitement and a little bit of fear of the unknown but we have to also keep our eyes on the road in front of us in case we see a moose or buffalo or icy patches. Like E.L. Doctorow once said “…driving a car at night you can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination, you just have to see two or three feet ahead of you.”
The next 10 years of our lives might be a highway of flat tires, smoking engines, hitchhikers, twists and turns, but also gorgeous views from mountain tops and valleys, and surprise destinations around every corner.
It’s the journey that we need to try to remember to appreciate, even the ups and downs, and if you have people in the passengers seat like me, they are depending on you to stay on the road, so ask them to help with directions, and turn up the radio and drive.
Here’s to the next 10 years.