Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
-Alcoholics Anonymous, Step 11
Why God? Why religion? Many people stumble over these questions when they join Alcoholics Anonymous. They have been hurt by religion and often by the church. Even so, I often hear people say, “I’m spiritual but not religious.” There is still a deep hunger for true spirituality. What about organized religion? Why do churches go off the rails? How do religious people become abusive? How does this affect recovery? Here’s my answer.
There’s good religion and there’s bad religion. Good religion opens people up to a new life. Bad religion closes people down into spiritual darkness. I’ve experienced both. Good religion can be a positive force in society. Christianity, for example, has brought us hospitals, universities, social services and many helpful charities. It brought us ethics, morality and the rule of law. Christianity also taught us ideas of human rights, social equality and democracy. That’s good religion. All good news.
On the other hand, bad religion has brought us bigotry, war, division, persecution, slavery, genocide and terrorism — not to mention child abuse. All these evils have been done in the name of religion. It still goes on today. Just turn on the news.
I grew up Catholic. I went to a Catholic day school. As a schoolboy, I was excited about my first communion and my confirmation. But my Catholicism was a mixed bag. I was never abused by anyone in the church, but that old-style Catholicism instilled fear and shame in me. I was a sinner going to hell. Then, as a teenager in the early '70s, I left the church. I was disillusioned, dissatisfied and depressed. Besides, there were far better things to do.
There were parties, getting drunk, getting high, going to concerts and having fun. My teenage life was all about drugs, sex and rock and roll. I still believed in some kind of “higher power.” But what that power was, I had no idea. I became an agnostic. And soon I became an addict.
I dropped out of high school. I started to hitchhike across North America, heading for California. Travelling around, I met all different kinds of groups. The streets were filled with young people into alternative religions. Today, some of these groups we call cults. On the street corners were different groups passing out sandwiches, flowers, pamphlets, booklets and Bibles. Back then a cult was not necessarily a bad thing.
Versions of salvation
I was fascinated. Each religion, each movement or cult offered me their version of salvation. To me, most were a mere passing interest. Some groups I joined for a short time and then moved on. I was searching. What was I searching for? I didn’t really know. There were thousands of other young people like me and hundreds of groups. Some were religious. Some were political. Others were a mixture of both.
There were Bahais, Hare Krishnas, Moonies, and devotees of various gurus. There were communists, socialists, anarchists and members of A.I.M. (the American Indian Movement). There were street preachers, Jesus freaks and various other Bible thumpers. And there were drugs too. Lots and lots of drugs.
While I travelled up and down the West Coast, I eventually joined one of those alternative religions. They seemed happy. They lived in communes. They were “born-again” Christian fundamentalists but with a perverse twist. At first, they were very conservative and very strict. No hanky-panky allowed.
It was great! They had all the answers straight out of the Bible. How exciting! Soon I found out they had a leader. They said he was God’s “end-time prophet.” Like so many of these groups, they eventually turned into an abusive cult. I went from Biblical heaven to cult hell. I experienced the “dark side” of a very bad religion.
Their beliefs slowly got stranger and stranger. We gradually went from believing the Bible to believing the end-time prophet. We had to believe without question. Never disagree. Never doubt. There was a lot of fear and psychological manipulation. It was like being in an abusive relationship. After the honeymoon phase was over the abuse started. But we were afraid to leave. I secretly started to drink again.
Separating good from bad
How to tell good religion from bad? Does the religion produce fear? Does it cause shame? Is it controlling? Can you respectfully disagree? Does it teach intolerance of others? Are there secret doctrines or secret practices? Does it have a charismatic leader with a special link to God? Is it abusive? Add these up and you probably have a destructive cult. That’s bad religion in the extreme. How could I escape?
My old-style Catholicism was good and bad. It did instill fear and shame. This contributed to my addiction. And it opened me up to manipulation by something even worse — a destructive cult. But today, in recovery, I have learned to make better, informed choices. I can take personal responsibility. I can spot cult-like thinking a mile away. It’s been a long road back to good religion and healthy spirituality.
My Algonquin grandmother was also a devout Catholic. I think she was guiding me from the other side. I recovered from alcohol and drug addiction, and I recovered from bad religion. Although not perfect, I returned to the church of my grandparents, which now I find more positive and less dogmatic.
In July 2022 I went with a group of pilgrims from the NWT and Nunavut to Maskwacis, Alta. We heard Pope Francis’s powerful apology. His words were very healing. “I humbly beg forgiveness for the evil committed by so many Christians against the Indigenous peoples,” he said. Many of us had tears in our eyes. Our Elders especially were very moved.
Religion is like a surgeon’s scalpel. It’s very sharp and it’s used to heal. But if misused, it cuts deep and can cause great harm. I pray for those in recovery. Recovery from addiction, from alcoholism and from bad religion. I pray they find their higher power and healthy spirituality. Any healing program, spiritual community or church that promotes true healing will bear good fruit. That’s good religion. And that’s the good news.
Meegwetch. Quyanainni. Mahsi Cho.