Well, we are getting pretty close to Halloween and that usually means there will be snow on the ground. It will be interesting to see if that happens this year because it has certainly been a mild fall. The pansies and violas are still blooming in our yard. I reckon that every day that is above zero this time of year is a real bonus.
I am calling this column the “Covid Halloween Part 2 – The Delta Variant”. That sounds like a good title for a scary movie and this whole pandemic has been more than a little scary and confusing.
When it comes to Halloween, I think the north could use a few of their own myths, legends, practices, and traditions. Why has no one invented pumpkin curling? That would be fun. One could even have a contest to see who can curl a pumpkin the farthest out on a newly formed sheet of ice on a local lake. This might be a good year for that. Not sure what the prize would be, but I think people might have a lot of fun competing.
A few years ago, I wrote a story about the litter monster coming to life at the dump and leading an army of all the stuffed animals thrown into the dump that year. I quite like the image of a dump monster looking for litterers to thump with a large foam rubber mallet, aided by an army of stuffed animals scurrying about as all the trick-or-treaters cheered them on.
What about this idea. A wizard, witch or warlock comes to town and waves a magic wand. All the years litter, abandoned dog pooh and illegally dumped trash rises into a big swirling cloud. It swirls around until the individual pieces spot the person who dumped them and then they swoop down and stick to them like bird poop on a new car.
A person steps out of their apartment building and 50 disposable coffee cups separate from the cloud and dive-bomb the litterer. He tries to fight them off but one by one they land and stick in place for the next 24 hours. Someone else walks out of the house and all the trash they threw on the ground flies down onto them so for a day they are covered with candy wrappers, fast food containers, cigarette butts and plastic wrappers. Imagine all the people who would suddenly have discarded face masks flying after them like a swarm of bees. Imagine if discarded tires came back to haunt those who had dumped them where they shouldn’t be dumped. All those tires rolling and bouncing behind their vehicle chasing them down.
Halloween is supposed to be a little spooky. So maybe some kids could dress up as politicians and go door to door but instead of shouting “Trick or treat” they could shout “death or taxes, your choice.” Now that would be spooky. Or some one could dress up as our prime minister and go door to door saying, “Either give me some treats or I will call another election. I still want a majority.” That would certainly be scary.
I was having a dream that I was a kid again and out trick or treating. I stopped by a rather peculiar house called Vegan Manor which meant nothing to me at the time. The people were a little peculiar for that time as well with green and purple hair with streaks of gold and silver. Rather than the usual Candy Kisses, they offered me something that looked like chocolate covered thingies. They made sure I got some of each. Chocolate covered ghoul fingers, vampire hearts, zombie brains and some pieces of skeleton.
When I got home and went to bite into them, I discovered they weren’t covered in chocolate but corn starch and food coloring. Inside there were baby carrots, cherry tomatoes, half cooked Brussels sprouts and pieces of asparagus and green beans. I had been tricked. I woke up screaming “These are vegetables.”
I hope everyone has a good Halloween. Remember, Be Safe! It’s dark out there!
