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Advice: Revitalizing the way love is expressed

I used to wonder why I’d get so upset when help wasn’t received despite my voice being loud and clear. Why I’d toss gifts aside when all I wanted was human touch. Now I know.
Sara Aloimonos, right, “Discovering my kids’ love languages created a new level of connection for us,” she said. Melina Aloimonos, left, is her daughter. Photo courtesy of Sara Aloimonos

I used to wonder why I’d get so upset when help wasn’t received despite my voice being loud and clear. Why I’d toss gifts aside when all I wanted was human touch. Now I know.

Not only has my relationship with myself and those around me reached a new level of connectedness, I’m not afraid to ask them what their ‘love language’ is so I can love them how they prefer to be loved too.

Love languages are the way we want to be loved. It’s the action you do that makes another feel most valued, connected and loved in any relationship.

There are five love languages: quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch and words of affirmation.

This is for everyone.

A quick rundown of the five love languages:

Quality time: receiving someone’s undivided attention. They put down their phone and actively listen, making you feel loved.

Acts of service: doing things that make a person’s life easier. It’s noticed and appreciated and makes you feel valued.

Receiving gifts: enjoys receiving gifts but also, the thought that went into buying that gift makes you feel loved.

Physical touch: connection through touch whether it’s holding hands, back rubs, or a simple squeeze on the arm.

Words of affirmation: words of love, encouragement and appreciation make you feel warm, valued, and loved.

My love languages are physical touch and acts of service. Why should you care? You shouldn’t but knowing your own and others who are important in your life will not only open up bigger lines of communication and connection, but your relationships will grow stronger.

What is this love language gibberish all about?

Knowing your partner’s, your child’s, your friend’s and even your co-workers’ love language can turn a stale relationship into one that thrives.

Are you showing love in the way your partner wants to receive it? Is your child not responding to you showering them with gifts and blowing a gasket when you are too busy to sit down and play a game of cards? Taking the simple test below can help restore and strengthen a relationship.

What often happens in a relationship is, one person, often unknowingly, expresses love using their own love language to someone else, which can trigger resentment. This is where communication is key.

An example of this is, a husband, whose love language is receiving gifts, who shows up at home with flowers. When his partner, whose love language is acts of service, would actually love for him to take over making dinner so he/she can rest while the baby’s sleeping. Partner A thinks they’ve shown love with flowers when really, partner B just needs help, causing partner A to wonder why he/she is so ungrateful. Resentment builds. If both parties knew the other’s love language, this would play out a lot differently and the love connection would build.

Everyone communicates and receives love differently.

Be in tune with your partner, friend, child, co-worker or anyone you’re in a relationship with. This connection will tell you their love language. If you’re stuck, just ask them. Note that both parties should participate and be aware of this for relationships and connections to be restored/strengthened.

What makes you tick? What’s your love language? You can find out what yours are at

-Sara Aloimonos is a life coach and functional nutritionist based in Yellowknife.