A teenage client of mine is currently faced with the draw of social media.
Coming to video calls with full on make-up, talking down about herself and she’s constantly checking her phone.
I can tell her confidence is low and it’s not surprising the way she feels about herself. When asked how her relationship is with her parents, she comments that they pay attention to her when she gets good grades but otherwise, she is talked over and dismissed so she stopped talking. Social media has been her go-to to feel better about her choices because everyone else is doing it, right?
As a parent, you have the gift to support your teen as they go through these challenging years. You have the power to break them down or encourage personal growth and build confidence that will serve them as they grow up.
There are many routes you might take to support your teen but some of the basics and most important are within your grasp. They’re free and only take your involvement to make it happen.
One of the biggest things your teen is exposed to is social media. It’s in their face daily telling them how they should look, act, and it opens the door to comparison. Educating your teen on the fakeness and dangers of social media, addictions to, and developing positive self-talk, is key. A teen may view a social media influencer as the end all, be all and strive to copy them. Focusing on their own unique traits, what they have to offer in the real world, and drawing attention to their strengths helps shadow it and builds confidence in being comfortable in their own skin.
Strengths should be highlighted and praised. Having your teen recognize what they’re good at and continue to build on it will help build confidence. Also, recognize their weaknesses as an opportunity to foster growth in this area. Set realistic and attainable goals together. Map out a plan with the end goal within their reach. The confidence built when that goal is achieved will be palpable.
I know it’s hard to keep silent as your child strongly voices their thoughts or opinions. I know I bite my tongue almost daily. Try just listening. Even if you don’t agree. Feeling heard, not being talked over and working as a team to problem solve, encourages confidence in your teen. When their words have barely left their mouth and they’re being told to stop talking or that you know better, guess what? They learn to keep quiet and take what is given to them. Confidence drops.
You want your teen feeling confident to speak up when issues arise. Teaching them to voice their opinions and concerns in an assertive, yet respectful way, allows them to feel their opinions matter. Assertive means standing up for themselves using a strong and confident voice without being rude or aggressive.
Staying involved with your teen and keeping the lines of communication open, fosters secure attachment. Demonstrate unconditional love (even when you want to scream) despite their failing marks and poor productivity. Praise their efforts versus the outcome. Imagine yourself as a teen and hearing degrading remarks when you don’t make the team. You’re more likely to shut the doors of communication with an adult who makes you feel unworthy.
Lastly, encourage your teen to challenge themselves, having you as their biggest cheerleader. Guide them into trying a new class, getting a job, trying out for team sports or volunteering. The confidence built having succeeded, adds to the foundation they are building within themselves.
—Sara Aloimonos is a columnist, life coach and functional nutritionist in Yellowknife.